Emotional Changes

It seems as more time goes by I realize the changes I've gone through, not only in my appearance but in my personality.

It's now been 10 months since the surgery. Some people who are considering the surgery may have questions about what to expect emotionally. Although it will differ for everyone, I feel that if I share my experiences, perhaps it will give a hint of what could be.

Before the surgery, I was an outgoing person but I felt trapped. I loved talking to people but there were times I would judge myself before they got the chance to and I would shut down. I felt that people were constantly judging me. My friends at times would interrupt my conversations and talk over me like I wasn't there. It was difficult when I did leave the house to go places with the kids. I had to talk myself into everything I did. I loved the beach but it was a nightmare of humiliation for me. The amusement parks were torcher. I loved the coasters but I was too big to ride. I stayed away from friends, people who once meant the world to me because I was ashamed of what I had become on the outside. My life was boring and full of doubt and hope for the future. I felt like I had no life. I certainly didn't feel like I had any quality of life.

So much has changed. It is hard to keep up with everything at times. The loss happened so fast that I think I'm still getting used to the new me. I have a great deal more confidence which has allowed me to enjoy going places with my teen boys without feeling like an embarrassment to them. Their friends interact with me and treat me with respect. I've recently ridden the coasters and was grateful to be able to remember how much I enjoyed them. We have had spur of the moment friend gatherings that are amazing. I feel like I can finally relax in my own skin and be myself. Even family gatherings bring less anxiety. I don't have to talk myself into going somewhere, I just go. I don't have to worry about finding the nearest parking spot or how far I'll have to walk to get to where I'm going. Eliminating all those thoughts and fears have been the greatest weight lost. It frees up time and room for healthier self talk. When I'm with those same friends, they don't talk over me or cut me off. I have their respect and what I have to say seems to matter more. I know that's wrong of people to do that but it's how people are. I treat myself better and respect myself more which has made a huge difference. I feel like I am even more outgoing and I have been able to reconnect with my old friends with confidence and actually enjoy myself without judging myself or expecting others to do the same.

I feel like the person I was as a teenager. My personality is back and I look forward to each day instead of dreading it.

The physical aspects that have changed have also given me confidence. I recently ran up 3 flights of stairs and was not out of breath. These were the same 3 flights of stairs that I used to have to stop on 3/4 of the way to the top because I couldn't breathe and my chest felt like it was on fire. That is not just a physical change. Imagine the emotional high that gave me!

I am happier, I stick up for myself when I need to without feeling guilty, I love more, I play more, I respect myself more.

It has been an amazing journey and I wouldn't trade it for the world. It has given me my life back.

I still have moments where I forget that I am this renewed person. I still have anxiety and feel like people judge me but it is few and far between compared to the minute by minute feelings I used to have.

Life is good.

KIDNEY STONES!!

I was feeling nauseous the other night so I decided to lay down. The pain in my left side was so severe that I couldn't relax. After a few minutes I got sick. I was grateful at first, thinking that now I would feel better. That wasn't the case. It was not subsiding at all. It became more intense and remained constant. After about 30 minutes of being stubborn and telling myself it would go away, my husband was able to convince me to go to the emergency room.

The pain continued to worsen, which I didn't think was possible. It was difficult to breathe and I continued to vomit, but there was nothing left in me. It felt like I was waiting in the ER forever. (This is the part where I have to apologize to anyone else who was there ahead of me. Not only did I jump the line, but I was making a lot of noise. A woman and her child were even praying aloud for me.) The nurse came in immediately after I was in the room to start an IV line for pain meds and fluids. I had my husband call work and tell them I wouldn't be in the next day. My boss later confessed that she didn't know who had called out. All she could hear was someone yelling in the background. Once the pain medication kicked in I felt much better.

The CAT scan came back and they were quick to diagnose the issue as a kidney stone. That's what had me at a 10 on the pain scale? I had heard of kidney stones, but I never heard anyone talk about what it was like to have one.

They kept me over night and pumped fluid into me all night long and most of the next day. I had them stop the pain meds around 1am, 8 1/2 hours after the whole thing started. It wasn't until then that I started feeling okay without it.

The doctor stated that the stone was formed due to calcification. After doing some research, I learned that having the Gastric Bypass increases one's risk of having kidney stones. It can be prevented if the patient drinks plenty of water and does not let themselves get dehydrated and they take the calcium supplements recommended by the doctor.

After reading that I knew exactly where I went wrong. It's not always easy to get in enough water after the bypass. I'm 8 months out and I still have a tough time. I need to start forcing down more and taking my supplements more regularly.

I haven't passed the stone yet, as far as I can tell, so I'm not sure what happens from here. I actually have been feeling fine. I will probably still make an appointment to follow up with the doctor to see if anything else needs to be done. I definately don't want to go through that kind of pain again.

Here's a hint, in case this happens to you. My doctor told me that if I put my pain meds in the freezer, they would be good for life. He said if I ever run into this type of situation again, I could take a pill and would not be in such misery waiting to be seen.

I'm interested in hearing from other Gastric Bypass patients. Have any of you struggled with stones? What was your experience?

KIDNE

Since My Last Post

I am very close to losing that 150 pound total. As exciting as it is, I haven't had the motivation to leap over the hurtle. Everyone says they can see a recent difference. I can not. I see the number on the scale and freak out. I've stopped weighing myself as often because I can't stand the disapointment. I have been the same weight, maybe minus 2 pounds for about 3 weeks now. It's not so much that I am upset about that, it's that I am upset with myself. I have gotten very lenient with myself and what I've been doing.

I've decided that I will become accountable to my readers, right here and right now. I feel that if I outline my intentions, it will be easier to follow them. I will blog again soon to let you know how I've done with these goals.

I. I will start taking my vitamins again, daily. I have not been taking them faithfully. I noticed that the weight moves more quickly when I take them on a regualr basis. Maybe that's all in my head.

II. I will drink more water. Now that my stomach has stretched I eat more than I used to if I'm not drinking enough water.

III. I will join Curves(c) tomorrow to jump start my metabolism and build strength and muscle in order to burn more fat and weight. I must confess that I have not been sucessful at keeping the motivation to exercise. I've been to Curves(c) before and I have had great success. I could really use some toning right about now too. (I'm considering also getting a beginners Yoga DVD for that.)

I'm going to start there and then move on to the next phase when I'm ready.

Please share. Is there something you're struggling with after the surgery or do you have questions? You can either share here or send me an e-mail on Facebook to Missy Cantlin Bell.

Thanks for following!!

Missy

The Struggle Begins

Watching what I eat is becoming increasingly difficult. I do not get the dumping syndrome that a lot of people who have this surgery talk about. Let me rephrase, I do not get it as severely as others. I am able to eat chocolate and some fried foods, which I have deemed a curse.

I am now responsible for the rest of the weight I have to lose. The surgery has helped me this far and my appetite is not what it used to be but from here forward I really have to watch what I eat and make the best choices for myself. It is becoming more difficult.

I have found that when extreme stress takes over, I still have to watch for my old bad habits. I crave the wrong foods and on occasion have a "who cares" attitude. I know I can't do that. I've come too far. I do have to say, in my own defense, that compared to what I used to do, I am able to catch this type of behavior immediately. If I have acted on a bad habit or craving, I am able to turn it around quickly by making healthier choices for the next meal or snack. It has been easier to "forgive myself" during these times as well. My cravings aren't leading to an entire pizza or 3 scoop ice cream sundaes with the works. For example, today, the family wanted Burger King for dinner. I feel like I "blew it," because I had 3/4 of a $1 Spicy Sandwich with just cheese and 1/2 of a small fry. That wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't add one of their cookies and eat it later when I got home. I used to get the Double Burger with cheese and bacon with a Large fry and Super huge Diet Coke. That only held me for a couple of hours.

On the other hand, I have started losing again. I don't think I eat enough yet to make a 1200 calorie diet most days, so my weight loss stalls on occasion, sometimes for a month or so. My body acts as if it is in starvation mode. My total loss since June is 143 pounds, 113 of that being since the surgery in August 2009.

I wanted to make this post because I know some of you are considering the surgery. I don't want you to think that Gastric Bypass is a quick fix. You will still have struggles. Even naturally thin people struggle with food choices. It's natural. And keep in mind that not everyone gets severe dumping syndrome. I had it in the beginning but I am now able to have a piece of pizza, 1/2 of a small cheeseburger, a small dose of chocolate on occasion without getting sick. If I go outside of my small portion range though, it's all over. My body rebels.

This mission I'm on to lose weight, keep it off and make healthy choices from here forward will be a lifetime struggle. I feel that I am up for the challenge but may need help on occasion. One of the most important things I have learned to do is strategize. If I am at the table and I know I have eaten enough food, but also feel the urge to pick, I ask for my family to remove the food from the table. I realize that if I do it, I will steal another bite, lick or taste. If it is out of the way and someone else removes it, the temptation is gone. Another thing I've done is remind people that I cannot eat certain things. People seem to forget after a while for whatever reason and they start offering sweets to you. If you feel you are vulnerable, remind people that you would rather that they didn't offer those types of foods. You can simply explain that you'd rather not be aware they are even around. Simply removing the temptation can be very helpful. "Out of site, out of mind."

The above can help whether you have had surgery or not. The struggle will always be there but you can make it easier on yourself. Removing temptation or removing yourself from it's vicinity is the best option for success. Drink plenty of water and limit the carbs.

Something to thing about is that Easter is right around the corner. Most people who celebrate Easter do so with a basket of candy. If candy is a major downfall for you and your children, why not change things up a bit and fill the basket with 1 chocolate Easter Bunny and the rest with toys. My boys are older and absolutely love finding gift cards to buy a new video game or Xbox points. Think of how much happier they would be. You would be happier too. They wouldn't be loaded with sugar for a week and have to deal with the misbehaving that goes along with that. For yourself, what about a gift certificate to a spa, a new outfit, or if funds are tight, how about treating you and a friend to a movie? The possibilities are endless. In my house, we have even resorted to fruit baskets. That's always a great treat too.

I raise my glass of water to yours as a toast to our continued success.

Happy Easter and Best Wishes,
Missy Cantlin Bell

Dehydration and Lack of Nutrients

Last week I caught the flu. I felt horrible, as you can imagine. But then you're sick, you really don't think about anything else except sleeping. It started on a Wednesday night, over night. Except for the times I was out of bed, getting sick, I was in bed sleeping. My room is on the 2nd floor and the kitchen is downstairs. I was too worn out to go down to get anything to drink. Besides, I wasn't very interested in eating or drinking. That was just too much effort. I think about 36 hours went by before I made myself get out of bed and go to work that Friday morning. I still wasn't thrilled with the whole food idea and didn't take in much fluid. After work I went straight home to bed.

Saturday arrived quickly. I felt pretty well all day Saturday and was back to eating and drinking as usual. Saturday night I was scheduled to DJ at the local skating rink. About 1.5 hours into the session I started feeling a little light headed. I rested for a few minutes and felt better. About 30 minutes later, the feeling came on again. I started to lose my hearing. That's saying something when you cannot hear music while inside a skating rink. I called for my manager and by the time he turned around to get a chair for me, I had lost my sight and slid down the wall I was leaning against. I wasn't out long, seconds he said actually, but I was a little disoriented when I came to, and embarrassed to say the least.

An ambulance came to check my sugar levels and vital signs. My blood pressure was a little off. They suggested I make the trip to the ER. I didn't want to pay for the ambulance ride so I finished my 20 minutes of work and waited for my husband to pick me and my 16 year old up.

The trip to the ER was interesting. My blood pressure dropped to 92/45. They ran a CAT scan on my head and it didn't show anything out of the ordinary, thankfully. They gave me some water and Tylenol for my headache. The EKG they ran came back fine as well. The doctor stated it was due to previous dehydration and lack of certain nutrients.

The experience was certainly scary. I've learned from it. It is not healthy to go without food and water on a usual basis but for someone who has had the Gastric Bypass surgery it is even more important to be sure that you focus on these things, especially when you are ill. It is much easier for dehydration to set in.

If you start feeling dizzy or disoriented, seek medical attention. You do not want to end up passing out.

If you've had any experiences like this after surgery or negative side affects, please share them by posting below.

6 Months Post Surgical / Bloodwork Results

I went back to the doctor's this past Wednesday. I've been extremely tired for the past few weeks and I wanted to be sure that it wasn't anything that was post surgically related. I was concerned about low iron and B12 levels and dehydration.

My blood work all came back normal. My blood cells are the normal size, my body is absorbing enough iron and B12 and I am not dehydrated. I was thrilled to say the least. So many people have deficiencies after surgery because our bodies now have a shorter digestive tract and less nutrition is absorbed. I was fortunate and I have been counting my blessings ever since.

My total weight loss since a month before the surgery is 130. Next week will mark my 6th month out of surgery. It has been a steady pound or two loss for a few weeks now. I've been roller skating once a week and moving more at home. I've started working on the weekends on my feet, which will also help.

I am interested in other people's stories who have had the surgery. I would love for you to share your successes and issues after the suregery. If you have a story to tell, please share it here so that others who are considering the surgery can make an informed decision.

Thank you for your time.

Missy Bell