It's Halloween night. I have to say that it's never been my favorite night. I was never really creative with costumes so I always felt stressed trying to come up with something. Then there was the candy. I would take the kids around, whatever neighborhood we were going to that year. I hated that part too because, being an inactive adult, it was too much to think about walking for an hour and a half and trying to keep up with two energetic boys.
After the walking came to an end, it was time to sort through the candy and figure out what was consumable and what is possibly dangerous and heading for the trash. Chocolate was my weakness so of course I would steal a few pieces from the boys. Then, in the days to come, I would help myself to the several pounds of candy they received for being so cute. After all, I was the one who took them around, right? They won't notice a few pieces missing (several times a day.) The candy never really lasted too long in our house. I always spent the first week of November feeling guilty about my consumption, craving more, seeking Halloween candy on sale at the stores and consuming more.
Now do you understand why I hate Halloween? Telling this story is humiliating. Most of the time the candy was eaten in private, so, no one really knows how I felt or what I did. I'm not proud of it. But I'm sure, beyond doubt, that I am not the only one who has done it. As a matter of fact, there are some that have done this tonight. Thankfully, that is over for me. I waited until the last minute to get the candy. Actually, there were kids approaching the house with their "Trick or Treats" as I was heading to the store. They had candy on sale when I got there. $1.50 a bag for my favorite, Reece's Peanut Butter Cups. I bought a few bags and made it home in time to pass the candy out. I saved some for the boys since they didn't go out this year. I have had 1/2 of a RPB cup. I don't even want more than that. It is a great feeling to want to give the rest away.
I don't know what has changed the desire for the chocolate, or what has given me the willpower. I do not have the dumping syndrome associated with the Gastric Bypass surgery, so by all rights I can eat what I want at this point. But I don't want it. If I could pass along the solution I would. If you struggle with these things as I did, I can only suggest to be strong. Eating large amounts of candy, for me, would make me crave more. I don't want that. It is more important to me to have more nutrition than crap since my stomach doesn't hold as much.
Again, I say, I am grateful for the Gastric Bypass surgery and what it has done for me, even though I have struggled with it. I would do it again and again.
So now you understand why I have always hated Halloween.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Week 13 after Gastric Bypass- I Know, It's Been a While!
It has been a crazy roller coaster ride the past few weeks. I have been reminded by several people (who really need to sign up for blog updates... please) that it has been a long time since I have blogged. I apologize. I've done this in the past and it is something I have to work on about myself. When I get overwhelmed, I shut down and do nothing. There were several times I wanted to blog but had too much to say and not enough time and I didn't know where to start because I wanted to tell everything. So now, I am able to summarize, but that's all you'll get. I short changed you and I'm sorry. I'll work on that. But for now, you've got me.
Some things I am about to share are embarrassing for me, but I have always been, pretty much, an open book with things in my life if I feel they can help someone else. So, if you find yourself judging me for what you're reading, remember, there are other people who struggle with these issues on a daily basis, and for some people, they see no way out. I was just fortunate enough to follow through with one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself - Gastric Bypass Surgery. If you know anyone who is even thinking about gastric bypass surgery, please pass along this blog link. If they have questions, I am available. I've lived this for so long, that I really don't mind sharing any of it. It could, in all honesty, save a life. I believe it did for me.
The first 6 weeks after GAstric Bypass surgery were the hardest. I was in pain, had large incisions that I had doubts would heal, could hardly drink anything, in constant fear of dehydration and malnutrition, and I was missing food, fearing I'd never be able to eat again.
I had two trips to the ER, one for 11 hours and one for 14 hours, both with severe abdominal pain, 8's on a scale of 1-10, requiring CAT scans, both of which came back without explanation for the pain. I was told by my Gastric Bypass Surgeon that everything looked to be healing perfectly and that my body was where it was supposed to be at 6 weeks out but he wanted to be sure there wasn't something wrong with the gallbladder. Most of the time in the first 6 weeks after the Gastric Bypass, in addition to the pain, it felt like when I drank fluids, it was all rushing in my body into a funnel. It would flow fine until it reached the narrow ending then it was a fight to get into my stomach. There's no other way to describe it. There were times I didn't want to bother with anything.
After the second trip to the ER, the Gastric Bypass Surgeon requested a follow-up. I returned to him for an upper endoscopy. They placed a tube with a camera down my throat to view my insides. He found there was errosion that could be causing the pain. He also had a suspicion that I have developed a lactose intellerance. Perfect. Dairy happens to be one of my favorite foods.
I haven't had the pain since I've gone to eating real food, but I also haven't been drinking large quantities of milk in a day either, whereas before, that's all I could have.
After the Gastric Bypass, when I was able to introduce foods, I did it slowly, as suggested. I did not eat unless I had stopped drinking within the past 30 minutes. After a week or so of this, I started with the dumping syndrome. I would get excited that I could actually have real food again and I would enjoy the taste so much that I would eat faster than I should have and end up eating too much, which would sometimes literally be no more than 5 bites of anything. When the last of it would finally reach my stomach, there was no room left for it and it would find it's way back out. It wasn't pleasant. There was one week where I couldn't get anything right. Even a few bites was too much and it would come back up. I started to understand belemia. Again, not where I wanted to be.
This is week 13 since the Gastric Bypass. I have only had a full week free from being sick from food (I had a severe cold, but I'm fine.) I haven't been in pain at all. The only high fat food I've really eaten is pizza. I can eat between 3/4 of a slice to most of a slice, but not all. I make it a rule that I give up eating anything after 30 minutes that I cannot finish in that time period. If I'm short on time, like lunches at work and I feel rushed to eat, I try to remember that it's not a race and I don't have to eat all of it. Sometimes I can finish a half a sandwich with a piece of ham and a piece of cheese, other times it's too much. I stop halfway and see how I feel in a little while. Like any normal person, it depends on the day what will fill me. There are probably a few things I will always stay away from. I have a fear of fried chicken. It's just one thing that my body doesn't digest. At least, it didn't in the beginning and well, why bother, right?
We have a cafeteria at work. Before the Gastric Bypass Surgery, I used to choose whatever I wanted. I still could. The difference is that my choices are better, and smaller. If I go for breakfast I keep the need for protein in mind and although those nicely laid out slices of banana loaf look so delicious (and portioned for 3), I head for a slice of wheat toast, toast 1/2 with peanut butter and eat only 3/4 of the slice. Sometimes I'll get an egg substitute with a piece of bacon. A typical breakfast before Gastric Bypass, I am embarrassed to say, was a drive through the local McDonalds for a breakfast sandwich and hasbrown. The problem started getting worse with their 2 for $3 breakfast sandwich meals. I would forego the hashbrown and eat 2 sandwiches and wash it down with a large Diet Coke. If I went to a sit down breakfast, I used to look at the menu and actually wish there were bigger meals. I could eat 3 pancakes, 3 eggs, 4 pieces of meat, and home fries, always with two Diet Coke refills and be hungry a few hours later. It makes me laugh now. I went to the same place the other day and ordered 2 egg substitutes, omlet style with cheese and 2 sausages with toast. I ate 3/4 piece of toast and 4 bites of the "omlet." My thinking has changed. Now, the menu items don't come with small enough combos. What I would give for a menu that offered my perfect breakfast combo... 1/2 egg, 1/2 sausage, 2 home fries and 2 bites of a pancake or toast. I have had to ask for a manager at places to allow me to eat from the kids menu. I even share with my son sometimes. I am embarrassed to say that I used to eat my own meal AND pick from his plate from what he didn't eat.
Since I'm being so candid, I may as well go further and talk about how I used to eat at other meals before the Gastric Bypass Surgery. A lunch time trip to the cafe could include a number of delicious options. I had several favorites. Alfredo pasta with sausage and a "piece" of garlic bread the size of 1/4 a sub roll, or 2 pieces of pizza (1/3 of a pizza, and only because I knew if I had any more I would feel too guilty walking through the line, because believe me, I have finished a large pizza before,) or a double bacon cheese burger with curley fries, were my 3 favorite choices. You would never see me without a large Diet Coke. I usually could also fit in a piece of cake, or, my favorite, they have a pudding cup, which holds about 2 cups, that was layered with pieces of chocolate cake and whip topping. (Hope I'm not making anyone hungry, blah!) I would then go back in two hours for a vending snack. "Holy Crap!!" I said it for you. When's dinner? That would be my next thought. And I could eat a full dinner too. I thought about food so often that it made me cranky if I had to wait too long or even if I didn't get what I wanted.
Did you know that too many carbs make you crave MORE? It can also cause depression. It was a never ending cycle. I wanted to eat constantly.
So, back to how things have changed since the Gastric Bypass Surgery. Everyone throws it out there, that saying all people who have dieted have heard... "It's a Life Style Change." It would be a good book title I suppose, but it is the truth. My style of life has changed. This will be my third week of really starting to exercise and I can't say I'm close to full-throttle. For those who don't know me, I spent my teen-aged years skating and working at a local roller rink. I'm still DJing there on occassion after 24 years but I haven't really skated in 4 years. Back in May I tried. A few of my friends got together and I tried my skates on. It was like trying to stuff sausages back into their natural casings. They just wouldn't fit. My ankles and feet were too swollen and fat. I tried a few weeks after surgery, in September. I still couldn't skate. I could fit into the skates better, but I could only make it around the rink three times. My shins were on fire and I still didn't have enough energy. Then I tried again in the beginning of October. The skates fit perfectly, and I can handle skating for 20-30 minutes at a time. I'm up to 2 times a week and each time I have tried to build up some stamina and speed. I have a lot further to go to be happy about it, but I've made great progress.
You've told us everything but what we want to know, "how much weight have you lost?" Really? Ok, that's another reason why I haven't written lately. Who wants to read a blog by someone who had weight loss surgery/Gastric Bypass who doesn't really want to talk about how much she's lost because she feels like a failure? Truthfully? I feel like I have been at a stand still for 6 weeks or more. I really haven't and my weight loss is shocking over all, but the point is... Here I am eating less than most toddlers eat in a day and I am not melting like I thought I would. I know, "break out the violins, she's got it rough." (Don't kill me when you see my total so far.) But I actually think I slowed down because I just can't drink enough water to flush everything out and my body is consuming so little that it was in starvation mode for a while. It's okay. I've forgiven it. I lost 10 this week, so I'm not feeling like I've failed. Here's a breakdown of what I've lost...
I headed into surgery with a 30 pound weight loss. Here is what happened after the surgery...
Day/Week Total to date (after surgery)
Day 8.................10 pounds
Day 11...............22 pounds (yes, 12 in 3 days)
Day 15...............29 pounds
5 wks, 4 days...40 pounds (wow, 11 pounds in 3 weeks, most would be grateful)
12 weeks..........50 pounds (see why I haven't posted anything here)
13 weeks...........61 pounds
====================
Yeah, I am seriously, NOT complaining about losing a total of 91 pounds in 4 months! I apologize if that's what it seemed like I was doing. To do that would be like slapping anyone in the face who has ever dieted. I was just thinking that with such a huge start that it would continue as well. I lost 20 pounds in 10 weeks and I am grateful. My body has had a jump start with the exercise, which I should have started a long time ago, but, I was struggling at times with the pain so I'll cut myself a small break there. The activity will increase each week as I gain strength and I will try new things. My clothes are so loose. But every time I buy another size down, I out grow them in the right direction. I can't yet fit into the clothes that were given to me, but thankfully, everyone at work is understanding.
I can't wait to see where I'll be by Christmas (11 weeks from now.) As of now I am 1/3 of the way to an "ideal weight" for my height. This summer should be the best summer of my adult life.
I promise I will report back to you before then. Until I do, make a promise to yourself to do at least 1 think a day to change your bad habits. One less soda, a weigh-in, one less trip through the drive-thru, one less hand-reach toward a family member's left overs, or add 20 minutes of activity today. Whatever it takes. This is not easy. This choice did not come lightly and without serious effort before hand with many failures. Each day is a reminder of where I have been and where many others are and that it wouldn't take much to get back to that place. But I'm not going back there. Come with me. See you on the other side.............
December 08 October 09
Missy
Some things I am about to share are embarrassing for me, but I have always been, pretty much, an open book with things in my life if I feel they can help someone else. So, if you find yourself judging me for what you're reading, remember, there are other people who struggle with these issues on a daily basis, and for some people, they see no way out. I was just fortunate enough to follow through with one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself - Gastric Bypass Surgery. If you know anyone who is even thinking about gastric bypass surgery, please pass along this blog link. If they have questions, I am available. I've lived this for so long, that I really don't mind sharing any of it. It could, in all honesty, save a life. I believe it did for me.
The first 6 weeks after GAstric Bypass surgery were the hardest. I was in pain, had large incisions that I had doubts would heal, could hardly drink anything, in constant fear of dehydration and malnutrition, and I was missing food, fearing I'd never be able to eat again.
I had two trips to the ER, one for 11 hours and one for 14 hours, both with severe abdominal pain, 8's on a scale of 1-10, requiring CAT scans, both of which came back without explanation for the pain. I was told by my Gastric Bypass Surgeon that everything looked to be healing perfectly and that my body was where it was supposed to be at 6 weeks out but he wanted to be sure there wasn't something wrong with the gallbladder. Most of the time in the first 6 weeks after the Gastric Bypass, in addition to the pain, it felt like when I drank fluids, it was all rushing in my body into a funnel. It would flow fine until it reached the narrow ending then it was a fight to get into my stomach. There's no other way to describe it. There were times I didn't want to bother with anything.
After the second trip to the ER, the Gastric Bypass Surgeon requested a follow-up. I returned to him for an upper endoscopy. They placed a tube with a camera down my throat to view my insides. He found there was errosion that could be causing the pain. He also had a suspicion that I have developed a lactose intellerance. Perfect. Dairy happens to be one of my favorite foods.
I haven't had the pain since I've gone to eating real food, but I also haven't been drinking large quantities of milk in a day either, whereas before, that's all I could have.
After the Gastric Bypass, when I was able to introduce foods, I did it slowly, as suggested. I did not eat unless I had stopped drinking within the past 30 minutes. After a week or so of this, I started with the dumping syndrome. I would get excited that I could actually have real food again and I would enjoy the taste so much that I would eat faster than I should have and end up eating too much, which would sometimes literally be no more than 5 bites of anything. When the last of it would finally reach my stomach, there was no room left for it and it would find it's way back out. It wasn't pleasant. There was one week where I couldn't get anything right. Even a few bites was too much and it would come back up. I started to understand belemia. Again, not where I wanted to be.
This is week 13 since the Gastric Bypass. I have only had a full week free from being sick from food (I had a severe cold, but I'm fine.) I haven't been in pain at all. The only high fat food I've really eaten is pizza. I can eat between 3/4 of a slice to most of a slice, but not all. I make it a rule that I give up eating anything after 30 minutes that I cannot finish in that time period. If I'm short on time, like lunches at work and I feel rushed to eat, I try to remember that it's not a race and I don't have to eat all of it. Sometimes I can finish a half a sandwich with a piece of ham and a piece of cheese, other times it's too much. I stop halfway and see how I feel in a little while. Like any normal person, it depends on the day what will fill me. There are probably a few things I will always stay away from. I have a fear of fried chicken. It's just one thing that my body doesn't digest. At least, it didn't in the beginning and well, why bother, right?
We have a cafeteria at work. Before the Gastric Bypass Surgery, I used to choose whatever I wanted. I still could. The difference is that my choices are better, and smaller. If I go for breakfast I keep the need for protein in mind and although those nicely laid out slices of banana loaf look so delicious (and portioned for 3), I head for a slice of wheat toast, toast 1/2 with peanut butter and eat only 3/4 of the slice. Sometimes I'll get an egg substitute with a piece of bacon. A typical breakfast before Gastric Bypass, I am embarrassed to say, was a drive through the local McDonalds for a breakfast sandwich and hasbrown. The problem started getting worse with their 2 for $3 breakfast sandwich meals. I would forego the hashbrown and eat 2 sandwiches and wash it down with a large Diet Coke. If I went to a sit down breakfast, I used to look at the menu and actually wish there were bigger meals. I could eat 3 pancakes, 3 eggs, 4 pieces of meat, and home fries, always with two Diet Coke refills and be hungry a few hours later. It makes me laugh now. I went to the same place the other day and ordered 2 egg substitutes, omlet style with cheese and 2 sausages with toast. I ate 3/4 piece of toast and 4 bites of the "omlet." My thinking has changed. Now, the menu items don't come with small enough combos. What I would give for a menu that offered my perfect breakfast combo... 1/2 egg, 1/2 sausage, 2 home fries and 2 bites of a pancake or toast. I have had to ask for a manager at places to allow me to eat from the kids menu. I even share with my son sometimes. I am embarrassed to say that I used to eat my own meal AND pick from his plate from what he didn't eat.
Since I'm being so candid, I may as well go further and talk about how I used to eat at other meals before the Gastric Bypass Surgery. A lunch time trip to the cafe could include a number of delicious options. I had several favorites. Alfredo pasta with sausage and a "piece" of garlic bread the size of 1/4 a sub roll, or 2 pieces of pizza (1/3 of a pizza, and only because I knew if I had any more I would feel too guilty walking through the line, because believe me, I have finished a large pizza before,) or a double bacon cheese burger with curley fries, were my 3 favorite choices. You would never see me without a large Diet Coke. I usually could also fit in a piece of cake, or, my favorite, they have a pudding cup, which holds about 2 cups, that was layered with pieces of chocolate cake and whip topping. (Hope I'm not making anyone hungry, blah!) I would then go back in two hours for a vending snack. "Holy Crap!!" I said it for you. When's dinner? That would be my next thought. And I could eat a full dinner too. I thought about food so often that it made me cranky if I had to wait too long or even if I didn't get what I wanted.
Did you know that too many carbs make you crave MORE? It can also cause depression. It was a never ending cycle. I wanted to eat constantly.
So, back to how things have changed since the Gastric Bypass Surgery. Everyone throws it out there, that saying all people who have dieted have heard... "It's a Life Style Change." It would be a good book title I suppose, but it is the truth. My style of life has changed. This will be my third week of really starting to exercise and I can't say I'm close to full-throttle. For those who don't know me, I spent my teen-aged years skating and working at a local roller rink. I'm still DJing there on occassion after 24 years but I haven't really skated in 4 years. Back in May I tried. A few of my friends got together and I tried my skates on. It was like trying to stuff sausages back into their natural casings. They just wouldn't fit. My ankles and feet were too swollen and fat. I tried a few weeks after surgery, in September. I still couldn't skate. I could fit into the skates better, but I could only make it around the rink three times. My shins were on fire and I still didn't have enough energy. Then I tried again in the beginning of October. The skates fit perfectly, and I can handle skating for 20-30 minutes at a time. I'm up to 2 times a week and each time I have tried to build up some stamina and speed. I have a lot further to go to be happy about it, but I've made great progress.
You've told us everything but what we want to know, "how much weight have you lost?" Really? Ok, that's another reason why I haven't written lately. Who wants to read a blog by someone who had weight loss surgery/Gastric Bypass who doesn't really want to talk about how much she's lost because she feels like a failure? Truthfully? I feel like I have been at a stand still for 6 weeks or more. I really haven't and my weight loss is shocking over all, but the point is... Here I am eating less than most toddlers eat in a day and I am not melting like I thought I would. I know, "break out the violins, she's got it rough." (Don't kill me when you see my total so far.) But I actually think I slowed down because I just can't drink enough water to flush everything out and my body is consuming so little that it was in starvation mode for a while. It's okay. I've forgiven it. I lost 10 this week, so I'm not feeling like I've failed. Here's a breakdown of what I've lost...
I headed into surgery with a 30 pound weight loss. Here is what happened after the surgery...
Day/Week Total to date (after surgery)
Day 8.................10 pounds
Day 11...............22 pounds (yes, 12 in 3 days)
Day 15...............29 pounds
5 wks, 4 days...40 pounds (wow, 11 pounds in 3 weeks, most would be grateful)
12 weeks..........50 pounds (see why I haven't posted anything here)
13 weeks...........61 pounds
====================
Yeah, I am seriously, NOT complaining about losing a total of 91 pounds in 4 months! I apologize if that's what it seemed like I was doing. To do that would be like slapping anyone in the face who has ever dieted. I was just thinking that with such a huge start that it would continue as well. I lost 20 pounds in 10 weeks and I am grateful. My body has had a jump start with the exercise, which I should have started a long time ago, but, I was struggling at times with the pain so I'll cut myself a small break there. The activity will increase each week as I gain strength and I will try new things. My clothes are so loose. But every time I buy another size down, I out grow them in the right direction. I can't yet fit into the clothes that were given to me, but thankfully, everyone at work is understanding.
I can't wait to see where I'll be by Christmas (11 weeks from now.) As of now I am 1/3 of the way to an "ideal weight" for my height. This summer should be the best summer of my adult life.
I promise I will report back to you before then. Until I do, make a promise to yourself to do at least 1 think a day to change your bad habits. One less soda, a weigh-in, one less trip through the drive-thru, one less hand-reach toward a family member's left overs, or add 20 minutes of activity today. Whatever it takes. This is not easy. This choice did not come lightly and without serious effort before hand with many failures. Each day is a reminder of where I have been and where many others are and that it wouldn't take much to get back to that place. But I'm not going back there. Come with me. See you on the other side.............
December 08 October 09
Missy
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